I sometimes feel frustrated by the assumption that a ‘dominatrix’ will be a stern older governess with a whip. Not to say that isn’t a favourite fantasy of mine, but it doesn’t always do justice to the full spectrum of fantasies that I’ve dreamt up and encountered over the course of my kinky escapades.

To me there is a false dichotomy, where a dominatrix is seen to provide and engage in ‘recreational scolding,’ and what differentiates her from a GFE provider is that she draws her power by abstaining from providing any vanilla services. Indeed, the more sexually aloof, the stronger her sadistic spell. It is certainly a beautiful and mesmerising fantasy, and while I would never wish to take away from that, I do question if it’s the only valid one?

 

We’re all different, but to me ‘kinky’ encompasses every erotic fantasy that we have. It is an artifice to say that ‘this is a fetish, whereas this is vanilla.’ How then are feet a fetish and bosoms vanilla? More than that, fetishes can include objects, like latex and lingerie, or they can have characters and intriguing plot lines, or they can be triggered by emotions such as the thrill of being caught in public, or the intimacy of bondage.

I’m slinky, naturally tactile, I have cheeky sense of humour I like to bring into my encounters, and I’m endlessly sensual. These are qualities that will come into any encounter I have because they are part of my personality, and it would be perverse (to use a phrase) to deny them. They also make perfect sense to me to fit within a kinky setting. Why wouldn’t the Vampiress wants to devour her admirers, or the nurse climb on the table where her patient is tied after she gets hot under the collar during a medical consultation?  

So what makes a lady truly dominant? To me a ‘true dom’ is not someone unrelenting in their own fantasy that they are completely in charge – it is someone willing to take the lead in the name of ‘fantasy creation’ – to take another person’s most intimate erotic desires and breathe life into them. It requires sensitivity and sensuality and reciprocity.

To be fair, I do understand where the dichotomy comes from. I’ve had erotic fantasies since as long as I can remember and I always drawn a line in my mind between them and what I imagined to be this straw man known as ‘vanilla.’ It’s only as I’ve been in the slightly strange position of explaining why I would mix erotic fantasies with a GFE experience I’ve realised that, in short, the separation seems completely false to me. Why wouldn’t you mix the two?

So what makes a lady truly dominant?

“To me a ‘true dom’ is not someone unrelenting in their own fantasy that they are completely in charge – it is someone willing to take the lead in the name of ‘fantasy creation’ – to take another person’s most intimate erotic desires and breathe life into them. It requires sensitivity and sensuality and reciprocity.”

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